good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
