your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize