had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
