sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
