Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
