Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
