Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
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