I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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