Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
