god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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