i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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