im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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