i permit you to call me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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