If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
