Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
