please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Watching her eat just hurts me
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize