YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
