Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
