I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
