I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
