Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
