actually, I'm a sock model
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
As shirtless as possible
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
