some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize