i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize
