Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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