i just wanna soil my oats bro
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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