dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
