I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize