i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
