I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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