So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My balls are so social today.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
