it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The beer is more important than you right now.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
