Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
