Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
