You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
