is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
