apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
