Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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