dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
