last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
