She is in my trunk
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
