Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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