Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
