and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
