tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
