I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
