Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
your room smells of hookers.
And success
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
