I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
