I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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