I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
