dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Randomize
