Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
