If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
