I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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