Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
