He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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