Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
