Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
