i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
