The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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