I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
