super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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