Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
