Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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