i think my tv is drunk
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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