Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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